First Draft | Romantic Murder 

Blood scarcely apperared on the surface of her skin from the incision. The knife barely grazed her for the cut was meant for my pleasure rather than her pain. If it were for the pain, I wouldn’t have used the drugs. The pain will come later, after I’ve had my dose of romanticized adreneline from the actuality of touching her skin, the skin I’ve longed to touch, caress, kiss, cut. The blood ceased to continue and the clotting process has begun.

 I adjusted my body so I sat between her spreaded legs while she lay sleeping and tied to the bed post. Her black laced panties and matching bra suggested I continue. 

I teased her thighs with the knife, sliding the edges softly enough to avoid cutting, I leaned forwards and kissed her left thigh, halfway between the knee and hip. Her famous lavender scent no longer lingered on her body. The knife began to run itself up and down her thigh until it finally made a shallow, verticle cut on the exact spot I kissed. Again, I lean over and place my lips upon her, licking the bloog that slowly gorged out of the opened skin.

The taste satisfied my innate craving for women. The recognizable iron taste provoking me to taste more of her. The saltiness from the surrounding skin caused by the hours of dancing prior to our coincidental meet up. The blood continued to color the line, begging me to taste again. I slowly relicked the gash, leaving a moist trail of saliva over the cut. I began to suck on it, pulling the blood to my tongue. Once my mouth released, her cut began to gape, stretching wider and longer, revealing the pinkness of the skin layers, the surrounding skin bruised by my thirsty mouth. 

I shifted my attention to the first cut. Paper-cut like. The scab has hardened, pleading me to peel it off. Without hesitation, I reached over and slowly detached the dried blood from her skin to reveal the shallow, almost invisible cut. She reacted by adjusting her head, unaware of her situation, still unconscious with her mouth agape. Shit. Her sleeping medication was wearing off.

Thanks for reading! This short piece was barely edited. If you liked it and would like a Part II please let me know with likes and comments! I’m also open to constructive criticism but don’t be rude! Keep in mind I am not a professional writer, just a young girl writing from the comfort of her bed! This is nothing serious, just was in the mood of posting an original piece. I plan to post a lot more throughout my blog so follow and keep a look out for it! 

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5 thoughts on “First Draft | Romantic Murder 

  1. To be honest, it isn’t really my type of story haha. I don’t read too many sexual things, but I’m a huge contradiction within myself and one of my favorite poems is Porphyria’s Lover by Robert Browning, and this somewhat reminded me of it. I think you did a great job. I like how you began in the middle of the story, it leaves the reader questioning “who is she?” “Why is the protagonist doing this to her?” “How far will it go?” Also the language you used made me a little nauseated, haha. Which, considering the topic of the story, is a good thing though! I’m the kind of person who can see gross things and it’s no big deal, but when I read it, my mind probably takes it farther than it’s meant to go. You should definitely post a part 2.


  2. First of all, I like the tone you’ve set: dark, sexual, a little bit disturbing, this is my kind of story. There’s definitely a feeling of tension, partially because of how it starts in the middle and we don’t know where it’s going (although the title itself is probably a spoiler), and partially because it’s implied that he knows who she is, but we don’t know how, or if she knows him, or how this all occurred. I would definitely keep reading.

    I did notice a few things, though. You did switch between present tense and past tense a few times, so make sure that’s consistent. There were a few typos, mild grammatical errors, and some punctuation mistakes, primarily commas that should either be periods or semicolons. Also, your word choice in a few places was repetitive, particularly in regards to “taste”. There were a few places in which you might benefit from different word choice as well: “suggested I continue” and “gorged out of”. The first two sentences could maybe use a bit of reworking; they’re not bad and did have me intrigued, but they were slightly redundant and could probably be combined into one sentence.

    Overall I liked it and would like to read part II. You’re off to a great start. Keep up the good work!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your opinion! I’m only 17 and haven’t had any experience with creative writing, just little stories for my friends. I’ll definitely pay more attention to the words I use! I’ll keep all your suggestions in mind! THANK YOU SO MUCH. Have a great day 🙂


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