Becoming A Better Person!

Hey Everybody!  So I decided that I want to become a better person. I wrote some goals down that I want to accomplish. Most of these take into effect on May 6 because until then, I am focusing on passing my AP English exam. After May 6, I will dedicate my time and effort into achieveing these goals.

Why do I want to be a better person? 

Well I’m starting college on August 31 and I just want to be as culturally educated as possible. A lot of my goals are mostly college prep types of things so I can be more well rounded and ready for college.

Here’s my list!

  1. Read more “smart” books. I’m currently reading The Scarlet Letter and Wuthering Heights. I want to discover similar books and maybe cross them off my list.
  2. Practice my Spanish. I speak Spanish at home but it’s never anything more than si and no. 
  3. Continue to learn French. I’m learning french on duolingo and want to continue to do so!
  4. Become organized. My room is currently in a state of dilapidation. It needs cleaning.
  5. Learn Math on the level I should be at. Math class hasn’t been a thing for me for about 2 years…
  6. Spend more time with loved ones. I’m really bad at spending time with friends and such. 😦

Well I can’t think of anything more! If I remember I will update this list! Thanks for reading. Share any tips and maybe give me some more ideas!

Thanks for Reading

xoxo

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First Draft | “I can’t do it.”

“I just can’t do this anymore.”

“What do you mean?” He muttered, taking a hit from his freshly lit joint.

“This. All of this. What are we doing with our lives? We just sit here. You smoke and I watch shitty movies. This is our fucking life. We don’t have any fucking lives. We are uncultured, illitirate fucks. We’re fucking 24 with a high school education. We grew up wanting to be successful but look at us. On a fucking couch in the middle of fucking harlem. We live on welfare, paycheck by paycheck. We had the world in our hands once but we threw it away for some fucking pot”

The living room filled with the sound of Pulp Fiction on the television but silence lingered between the two.

“I can’t do this, I’m leaving.”

Draft | First Time 

**DISCLAIMER** THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. THIS DOES NOT REFLECT A EXPERIENCE I’VE HAD WITH SEX NOR OF ANY OF MY FRIENDS.

He lay on top of me, kissing my neck and caressing my breasts over my shirt. His fingers begin creeping down to the band of my skirt.

“Wh-what are you doing?”

“C’mon, babe. Don’t you want to have a little fun?” He whispered. His warm breath lingering over my ear. Without a response, he continues to pull down my skirt, with my panties, and positions himself over me. He pulls down his pants enough to get out his penis. 

“Suck it.”

“I-I don’t know how.” I mumbled nervously.

“Just fucking suck it.”

I lean over and begin my attempt at a blow job. He takes my head in his hands and pushes himself deeper into my mouth, causing me to gag and retreat back to a sitting position. “I don’t want to do that, Ricky.” 

“Alright, turn around and put your butt up.”

I do as I am told and tears start to form in my eyes. I know Ricky loves me and this is the best way I can show him I love him too.

He pushes his penis deep inside of me, causing me to cry out.

“Ricky, stop it hurts!”

He ignores my plea and begins thrusting into me.

“Ricky, Stop! Please, Ricky! I don’t want to do this anymore!” I beg between gasps of air.

“Shut up, bitch.” 

With those words, I explode in tears of regret. He continues, ignoring me. 

After a couple more minutes of thrusting, Ricky pushes in deep one final time, exits me, and falls onto his side on the bed. “Thanks, babe,” he says, kissing me on the forehead.

I ignore him and go to the bathroom to clean up my mascara stained face.

Draft | Release.

That feeling where you need a distraction. You can’t handle life’s difficulties and you’re desperate to feel something other than disappointment. You seek it from drugs, alcohol, and sex. You’re relieved momentarily but the feeling comes back with a crash. Suddenly you’re addicted to those short couple of hours that your adreneline speeds through your blood. You try to reach that high point again. And again. And again. The adreneline fades away and the excitement disappears from you. Your left laying alone. You’ve lost all of your friends. You got no future now. People tell you: you need to stop. You need to come back to reality. You can’t. You’re living in a world you’ve created, filled with hatred and evil, but that’s easily filtered out when you’ve gotten your fix of marijuana, vodka, and penetration because when you do those things, you inexplicably forget about your unemployment. You forget about your sick mother or your debt. You’ve reached that high in life, where you just. don’t. care. Then you lose your access. Your out of money, you’ve gotten a DUI, your significant other has left you. You can’t reach that high again because you’re the lowest you’ve ever been. You sit in your room. All your abandoned paraphenelia thrown about. You look at your nightstand and on top of it sits the bottles of cold medicine you’ve just bought. You take it down, 1 pill at a time, 5 pills at a time, 10 pills at a time, handfuls at a time. Your throat sore from swallowing. You lay on your bed, ready for where these little drugs take you. Ready for the release from life you’ve been searching for all this time. You’re gone.

Confessions of a Teenage Girl

1. I’m scared that if I break up with my boyfriend I won’t have any friends because they’ll all choose him over me.

2. Although I got accepted to my dream college, I’m having doubts because I’m scared of cashing out $45,000/year to get an education in God knows what.

3. I haven’t told my mom I love her since I was 11 or 12.

4. I think I’m actually bipolar but I haven’t seeked any help because I’m afraid people will think I’m exaggerating or  crazy.

5. I might be a lymphomaniac. All I think about is sex and the only time I feel confident is when I’m having it.

6. I have an obsession for a very specific person.

7. I want to dance at parties but I don’t want anybody to comment on how I’m finally dancing.

8. Honestly, I just want to get married and have kids so I can guide them through life so they don’t make the same mistakes I have. 

9. I’m impulse driven, even though I don’t seem like it. Sudden impulses make me do things like steal, cheat, alter my apperance, or act out.

10. I love male attention.

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott | First Impression

Little Women! The title wasn’t exactly what interested me in this book but I can see why it might to some people. I am about 15% through the book and to keep it short and sweet: I LOVE IT. 

Quick Description: 4 sisters living together with their mother. The father is serving in the military (or navy? I forgot, sorry!) but he is expected to return. The sisters each live different lives yet still have so many similarities.

MY THOUGHTS: 

All the characters have such a defined personality, even the old neighbor, and he’s only been around for two chapters so far!

This is not what I expected at all! It’s easy to read, easy to relate to, easy to empathize with the characters. 

Not sure what exactly the plot is so far but it seems to be creating a sort of story for each sister, probably so that readers have a better understand of who the characters are.

MY QUESTIONS:

Will any of them fall in love with Laurie?

Is the old man going to die?

Why is Beth so sweet?!

Is the father going to come back?

MY CONCERNS:

I think the novel is setting me up for a huge plot twist and going to make me cry.

Thanks for reading! I’ll keep you guys updated on how I’m liking the novel so far! 

First Draft | You Stupid Bitch

“You stupid bitch!” yells Ethan, grabbing ahold of his petite wife’s frail arm. Her other arm drops the house phone and continues to resist, pushing, slapping, punching. Tears rolling down her reddening face while she gasps in between her words.

“Let go of me, Ethan!”

“Who were you calling?” 

“My mother!” Gasp. “I was calling my mother!”

Ethan pushes Elizabeth down to the floor. He grabs his coat from the chair it was hanging out and storms out of the house. Once Elizabeth can see his car leave the driveway she stands up and steadies herself. She turns towards the kitchen and sees young Abigail peeking from the doorway.

Thanks for reading! I’m enjoying writing these extremely short drafts. It’s a great way to just express my ideas. Let me know what you think by liking and commenting! Oh, and don’t forget to follow 🙂

Twitter: @rigorousreads